Home on the range

That used to one of my favourite songs in the song book during Primary times.

Sometimes I draw inspirations from movies/shows.
Ren(2) sheng(1) ye(3) bu(4) guo(4) shi(4) zhe(4) yang(4).

Sometimes I ask what am I doing what I have been doing for?
For my parents or for my due responsibility? Life couldnt be more simpler than that? Couldnt happiness and sorrow be a very innocent and simple emotions? Whose making life's complicated? What's the complication?

I suddenly realised I dont want my life to be following the rest of the written guide. Or rather I have been fearing that for a long time.
A simple thought...Work,marry,a small home,work and so on. Probably alot of our beautiful imagination stops at a simple small family, forgetting that the reality bites of that.

I don't wish to do all that just because it seems right,logical and it seems to be a responsibility.

Suddenly I have a thought.Is it just a thought or a step I would carry out one day?
I really wish to see the world.
Maybe I work for 1 or 2 years more, I would exhaust my savings and go backpack.
I don't know how far can I afford but maybe I would start with Australia first.

I would figure out what's life then.Sad to say, I would still need a lil more savings to figure out what's life. Maybe then my parents would let me go further..maybe I owe lesser explainations too.Maybe I would be more mature and more independent then as well.

I would just get a job. Dish washer, waitress, service crew.I earn whatever it can last me for the next few days and go a lil' further.
Till I am done with one country, I work for a lil longer before I have enough to travel to the next.

This makes me think was it wrong of my (elder) brother to insist on his trip to London then?
I was a lil' envy no matter how. At least he returned with a lil' experience of outside though penniless.

Is it like this?
Should life be like this?
Would I be satisfied then?
What's next even I really managed to do that? Would I still come back to settle down for a family and continue the rest of the typical steps?

Maybe I will be too old and would be lagging too much behind then. Maybe I would be envying my friends who are already ahead of me then. Maybe I would be regretting even.

What should it be then?

HonestlyI do not wish to return to work tomorrow.
Yes, that incident was one of the big reasons. I just find it hard to carry on with the act.
I feel that working with such complications is difficult and tiring.

At a point of time, I thought I am already accepting all these. This is afterall how the society functions.

I realised I dont belong there.
As much as I tried to learn and cope and wiser up, I still find myself feeling sick and tired as time goes.
I prayed for strength and even forgiveness cos' sometimes I am being mean and could hurt others as I have to. This is my job's requirements. I could understand a job seeker's feelings but I cant give everyone a job.

Even if I quit now, what will I do?
My guilt would manifest my whole body! It could be easier if my family is richer.

This is getting no where and I am getting so fedup and sick.

What's the complications?

Humans are.